You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
