I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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