Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She announced her abortion via fbk
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
