Is it because I queefed?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
