I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
