Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just high enough for therapy.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
