Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize