Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
