He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
