if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Terrible idea I love it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
