god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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