I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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