Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
