Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
