At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
