No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize