What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
