i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize