So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
