my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
