Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
