Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
