next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
