Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
