sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
