I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize