Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
