This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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