she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
