He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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