I wish I could teleport
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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