you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
