States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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