Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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