its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
