Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
