I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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