I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
