True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize