i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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