im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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