I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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