So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
