when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
