my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
