I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
