I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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