The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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