There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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