Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
