I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
