a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
