I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
