Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We're too hungover to prance.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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