So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
