i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize