He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
