pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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