I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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