I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
