Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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