i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I want to fling myself into the sun
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
