she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
