Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
