I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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