i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
