Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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