living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's blow job season.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize