If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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