Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
