My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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