wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
