One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
