Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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