I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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