Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
