i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
