Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
