I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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