How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
