He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
