You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
