mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
