I think im going to throw up on grandma
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
