I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize