Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
