I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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