You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
