Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
