I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Even my vagina gasped.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Use "feeling words"
Yay
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
