I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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