if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
