pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
