I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
