You really coming over, don't trick.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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