you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
