Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
