ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
