Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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