I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
