I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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