Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
