fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
