It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
