i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
