Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
