when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
A+ Viking dick
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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