gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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