It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
