She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize