There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
