Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
