So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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