You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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