you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
