I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
